Flirting with NLP: what I learned in a year-long programme

In the past year, I’ve been a part of sth really great. It’s called NLP, neuro-linguistic programming. I attended 6-modules (6x Friday-Sunday, 144 hours) long course organized by Glotta Nova and delivered by Bernarda Potočnik, Tatjana Dragovič and Mihaela Hočevar.  After passing a practical and theoretical exam, I received international certificate by INLPTA as a NLP Practitioner. Read more about the course program here.

In a way, it was a funny experience. If you’d ask me about it 2 months ago, after we finished 6 modules, I’d say that I don’t really recommend it. That I found some small pieces of content useful, but overall it did not really touch me. We started in November 2014 and finished in November 2015. We had practical exam in the end of January and that’s why I started checking back on all the notes I made and techniques we learned. I got more and more inspired every week we met to practice the techniques and I became aware, that I’m actually using so many things I learned on NLP in everyday life. Suddenly, after being a part of it for more then a year, I had my “aha” moment. Everything we did finally made sense. I even really got the meaning of the word - neuro-linguistic programming on another level.

You probably still have no idea what I’m talking about. Let me share with you some of the most useful things I learned during my NLP course. If I sum it up, it improved my communication skills and it brought my self-awareness to another level. I’ve attended a lot of workshops in past years about strengths, weaknesses etc. But this brought my awareness to another level. It gave me the answers to where does a certain weakness come from, it gave me an insight, how much impact does your environment, family and things that happen, when you’re a child have on your daily way of dealing with people and tasks.

Some examples and content, that boosted my self-awareness the most:

Drivers. We are all driven by different things that affect the way we work, the way we behave. Some of us are in “hurry” phase - I need to do as many things as possible in as short time as possible, to not miss out on anything. Some of us are in “be perfect” phase. Everything I do, has to be perfect and I prefer not to pursue sth, if I know that I can’t be perfect at it. Some of us are in the “please others” phase. Everything I do, has to serve the needs of others first, I am less important and I have to make other people happy, even if my own goals suffer.

The point is, that it’s best to stay flexible, to be whatever is the most appropriate for the situation, which isn’t easy. In some situations in our life, it’s best to hurry, we have to make quick decision, follow deadlines. In others, it’s best to keep on with the perfectionist and make the most effort before we finish a project, to make it perfect. In others, it’s best to please others and serve their needs.

Now imagine “hurry” kind of person working with a “be perfect” person. First one can’t ever miss a deadline and prefers structure and organized way of working and communicating. Second one can’t ever give away sth that isn’t perfect and takes care of every little detail. In the end, they both get frustrated, due to their natural state of being, that they already developed as children. Maybe a “hurry” person always had to hurry, when she/he was a child and his/her family was never late. Maybe “be perfect” person was never good enough for his/her partners and seeking for approval, he/she developed a “be perfect” state of mind and behaviour. Who knows what’s behind, but it’s great that you become aware of this. Being aware of drives makes it easier for me to understand people I work with and to respond to their needs. I can also work on my own flexibility to be able to switch from different states of mind all the time.

Second piece of content I was the most excited about and that also boosted my self awareness a lot, is working on limiting beliefs. We all have a huge range of beliefs, that we follow in our life. For example; I have to work hard to be successful, point of life is to have a family, I’m not a morning person, I can’t move away from my parents since I will hurt them, I can’t say no to a friend since we might lose touch, I have to be honest, I have to take care of my self-development etc. Some of the beliefs have positive effect on our life and some of them can be quite limiting.

With NLP, you learn how to recognize your beliefs and identify the ones that  limit you to reach your goals or in impact your everyday behaviour in a negative way. NLP also gives you techniques to work on the beliefs and restructure them in a more positive direction.

For example, I had a belief, that I’m not a morning person. I’m sure many of you can relate to this one. After using NLP technique, I came to a much healthier belief. If I go to sleep earlier, it’s easier to wake up in the morning. It sounds so simple, but it affected my life a lot. For the first time in my life, I do sports 3 times a week at 8 in the morning. And if feels great. All because I changed my belief. 

Some examples and content, that boosted my communication skills the most:

Communication strategy - PRLL (pacing, rapport, nonverbal leading, verbal leading) is about 4 steps that represent grounds for good communication.

Step 1 - observe, pace. When you try to talk to someone, observe them for a second. How do they seem to be feeling? Is it really a good moment to talk to your boss about a salary raise, if he/she seems irritated already?

Step 2 - make a good connection. You can do it by the way you stand and adapt your posture, by the way another person talks - adapt your tone and speed, when you talk.

Step 3 -  start leading. Only after you observe, learn from it and make a good connection, you can start the actual verbal communication. At this point the person on the other side is probably ready to talk to you.

Step 4 -  mirroring. Again, it can help to make even better connection during conversation, if you adapt your body position, tone of voice etc to another person. You can’t really have a good connection, if another person is sitting all chilled and you stand and walk around fast and explain what you want him/her to do.

Excellent example of PRLL used in practice, that I remember, was explained by our trainer, Bernarda. She talked about a situation, when she gets home after a whole day of training during the weekend. Of course she’d want immediate attention and her family. But, she first has to observe and make a good connection. That means that if everyone is on a computer in their own world, she can’t expect everyone’s immediate attention. But she can sit on a couch and wait, that others join her and then they’ll start talking. 

Learning how to express what you really want

I’ve been always complaining over massages. And the problem were mostly not the massuses, it was me not being able to express what I want. Now I can calmly tell how I want to have my massage done - in some part easy, in some parts medium and in some parts hard. My wishes a bit more complicated than a usual client, but now I really love getting a massage, which comes quite useful, if you travel to Philippines, where massages are good and prices are low. :)

My NLP journey was really interesing, since my life has been changing quite a lot during the course. If you have any questions regarding the course, i'll be happy to answer them. :)