Taking care of relationships & keeping in touch

During Xmas holidays I watched a TED talk, that had a huge impact on me. Robert Waldinger shared a summary of a 75-year-long study on happiness.

So, what really makes us happy? It's pretty simple and far from becoming rich or famous. Good relationships make us happier and healthier, being socially connected to family, friends, community, also the quality of close relationships. Good life is built through good relationships.

It’s not like this was sth totally new for me. I just think that the weight of the data - 75 years - is what impacted me so much. I thought about it for few days. So, what were some concrete actions I took?
I didn’t make a plan how to get new friends, since I barely find time to keep in touch with my existing relationships. I was thinking about the quality of my relationships and how I can deepen them.  

1. I made xmas gifts for all my friends. The gift was printed Year compass, small booklet that makes you reflect on 2015 and plan 2016. I love it, since it shows my values and what I find important and it also encourages my friends to relfect & plan. Reactions to the gift were really positive and it's great, since I was able to give a small gift to all of my friends (baking cookies is getting a bit old, right?).

2. I organized a home party. Sometimes I didn’t feel like hosting one – you have to invest some money, tidy up, wake up in the morning to a mess, tidy up again. But ... the shitty part of a home party lasts around 2 hours (shopping + cleaning), but a good party usually lasts much longer. I will organize a lot of parties in 2016, I love it! :)

3. I messaged my foreign friends that I have on Facebook and haven’t talk to in a while with a summary of my 2015. I sent around 35 messages, all the same, starting with

“Hi _____, I’m sending this to everyone I wish to keep in touch with. /Summary of 2015 - personal, honest, including professional and personal aspects/. I ended with “How was your 2015? It would be great to hear back from you.”

The response I got was amazing - people I haven’t spoken to in 3 years responded in a few minutes. I will do this every year. I also learned sth even more amazing. When you are honest and personal and you share the good and the bad, people become honest and personal too. I'm sure I learned much more about my foreign friends life, then I would, if I'd contact them on Facebook with "Happy 2016, how are you?"

Sending quite personal summary of my 2015 was defenitely out of my comfort zone. But I totally recommend it to everyone, it's also a great way to keep in touch with people, that you meet on international events, where you become friends in few days and then loose touch. Dan, thank you for inspiring me with your yearly letter to your friends thingy. :)

4. I made a list of people that live in Slovenia, that I haven’t seen in a while, and that I wish to keep in touch with. I invited them for a coffee. Every one said yes. I can't wait to see them and catch up.

5. I started sharing more personal things with my family, telling them about good and bad things, that are happening in my life. I think I haven’t had that good of a relationship with my parents since I was a little kid. It’s far from perfect, but it has improved a lot. Moving out helped a lot too. :)

6. Doing cute small things for my boyfriend. For example, when we went travelling, I prepared an envelope with challenges we can take during the trip and that can bring us even closer together. One of the challenges was to write how we feel about our relationship. Another one was staring in each other’s eyes for half an hour. Both left me crying. :)

7. When someone suggested to meet up, I said yes. Always being too busy for people around you does not bring anything good.

Do you have any great ways to keep your relationships healthy and happy? I’d be thrilled to get some more ideas.